I received an email from a friend. He's one of those who writes "personal updates" about his previous year, publishes them on a word document, and distributes it to his friends and family members.
(I know of families that do this - and mostly, they talk about how the kids have grown and how the Christmas play was - complete with kids in costume. But a single guy doing these updates? You gotta give it to my friend - he's got lots of drama to write about in his life.)
Anyway, one of the things that struck me was one of his resolutions for 2008: This year - 2008 - will be the year when I start playing big. I will aim for the stars and the sun. I may end up not hitting the sun, but who knows - I might end up on the moon.
Which got me thinking about playing small and playing big.
I never believed that playing small will get my anywhere. It will probably get me through the day unscathed - and perhaps, give me a night or two of complete peace. But playing small would make me more bored with my life. And boredom is bad - always bad.
But lately, I have been asking myself: Must one always play big? Must one always want, strive, dream, work hard to become the CEO of the company? Must one's voice always be heard?
A part of me - the competitive side - would assert that things are not good if things are smooth. It would assert that if it isn't broken (yet), then break it and rewrite it. Reinvention, it would argue, is the mother of innovation.
But a part of me also argues against playing big: Playing small makes one nimbler, faster, more flexible, and more at peace. Playing big also means being a big target of others who are as competitive as one's self.
So the question - which may sound existential to some (if not everyone) - is For this year, will it be a year of playing small or playing big?
And the answer is...
It depends.
I am sure that I am going to be playing it big in my personal life. The relationships that I value - the ones that cannot be "monetized" but are very important to my life - will definitely figure strongly this year. At the same time, there will be relationships that I will dump - relationships that suck the life out of life, relationships that do nothing but destroy other aspects of my life.
In my career, I am also sure that I will play it big. The competitive spirit in me still remains - but it will be tempered. This year will the year that I will be playing responsibly. The game will be played seriously - but there will be aspects of the game that I will give up on because it is not worth winning.
I guess it comes with age - this ability to discern what is and what is not worth playing for. Not that I have mastered it - but the years have led me to this realization: That not all games need to be played, not all games need to be won, and not all games need to be special.
Some games are worth playing big for - and some games are not.
My executive coaches will probably kill me for saying this - but nobody's last words were ever "I wish I delivered that presentation or report better".
There are some things that not even stocks and stock options can buy.