Gary, a good friend since I was a fledgling country manager for Universal McCann in Vietnam (managing less than 10Mln US$ worth of business, with 6 junior Vietnamese staff), told me that this is the year of changes for him and for me. He's a Scorpio - he was born a day and nine years before me - and he believes that perhaps (and though he doesn't believe in horoscopes) this year 2007 is the year of change for Scorpions.
I can't say I really do believe in horoscopes - although once in a while, I would check out mine. I usually do it at the end of the day to 'counter-check'. And of course, my mind would somehow find a way to "validate" these things that I have experienced. (I still believe that horoscopes are open to interpretation - and the mind, no matter how conscious we are, has its own workings and could find meaning where meaning doesn't exist [and alternatively, find ennui and meaninglessness where there is meaning].)
It does seem, however, that indeed the year 2007 is going to be a year of change for me.
On the personal front, there are so many changes that are happening -
- My romantic dilly-dallying's (if that's the right word) are all turning out to be more serious than I thought. I am ready to make the big jump and make "the" commitment to make it work regardless of anything. From someone who was supposed to be as ambitious as me and as driven as me - to finally take the back seat and let someone else be a part of the "steering wheel" of my life, it's a significant change.
- My immediate family has also undergone a lot of changes - some for the better, some for the worse. Nay and Tay went to the US and relocated there, leaving Mamang behind in the province - who I am now responsible for. My sisters' respective families are all - well - I wouldn't say disastrous - just a bit imperfect.
- My career - after its ups, plateaus, downs, and cul-de-sacs - is finally shifting. Let me reword that: I have finally taken the courage to take back control over my career, after having realized what's important to me and that this thing called career is just a mere means towards a bigger end, a bigger vision.
- My spiritual life in and of itself has seen some shake-ups reminiscent of my days taking up Philosophy of Religion. My faith in Someone/Something unfathomably more immense than me was shaken, whipped, stirred, eviscerated, crushed beyond recognition and definition. I lost it - simply. One day, all the thoughts of Ayn Rand came back to me - and suddenly, I was rationally faithless. The questioning began. And then with one big swoop, there was - dare I say it? - illumination.
(I wouldn't call it enlightenment - that's too deep. Illumination, for me, is "sourced from outside" - whilst enlightenment is more "inside-outwards".)
And yes, yet again - change.
What I did realize though is that, 2007 indeed seems to be a real year of change for me. And these are not tectonic, sudden changes. Neither are they "calm before the storm" kinds of changes. Rather, they are like small storms rising and falling, heaving and slightly surging - that suddenly gathered together into one big, mammoth of a storm that can no longer be denied - that I had no choice but to say, "Yeah, I surrender to the Change".
So indeed, it seems that Gary is right. This is a year of change - if it is not the year of change.
With change comes uncertainty - and for once, I am confident.
Frank Herbert and Paul Muad'dib of Dune somehow resonates with me:
- I must not fear.
- Fear is the mind-killer.
- Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
- I will face my fear.
- I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
- And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
- Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
- Only I will remain.
Only I - and those who matter to me and what matters to me - will remain.
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